Things we do as mom’s that would make others lose their appetites

Since becoming a mom nearly nine years ago, I have been astonished by the amount of crap (literally) I have put up with.

Here are some of my all-time favorites!

(FYI – don’t read and drink coffee, tea, pop, etc. while reading this. Author is not responsible for accidents!)

  1. Vomit of all colors and consistencies. In my day, I have all the colors of the rainbow, as well as all types of shapes (or lack thereof). I have also seen vomit during all times of the day – morning, noon, night, middle of the night – vomit doesn’t wait for any “IDEAL” time to appear. Also, the smell … makes me want to vomit while cleaning up the vomit.
  2. Poop stuck inside a playpen – and by that I mean on the mesh siding and on the mat.
  3. Poop chunks in the bathtub – with children still in tub (yes, I took them out once I saw the turds floating!).
  4. Non-stop blood squirting out of young son’s face after twin sister pulled off a blood-blister near his nose. (She must have been pissed at him when they were 5 months old, because that is when she took her little nail and scraped his face. This required a trip to the local ER where they had to treat the area with some sort of matchy-lookin’ thing.)
  5. Enema. Enough said. First they can’t stop pooping and then they can’t poop. What a crapshoot!
  6. Thick, gooey ear wax really, really grosses me out!
  7. Boogers of all colors, running down into their little mouths as they run away from me as I run toward them with a tissue.
  8. Toilet bowls full of pee and poo, and whatever else may be tossed in that I have to fish out – so far it’s been a sticker, pacifier, hairclip and toy car that I can remember.
  9. Blow-out diapers – those are just the yuckiest things to change EVER. And, if you have a girl, it goes in every crevice known to mankind. If you have a boy, well, same thing, only different “equipment.”
  10. Knowing the girl ate a piece of keychain (on purpose) and taking her to the ER where I spent $400 for them to take an x-ray showing me the teeny-tiny chain link in her stomach. Anyone want to guess what I to look through to make sure it passed???

On that note, for all of you parents-to-be out there, “Bottoms Up” to you!


About Parenthood: The New Crazy Train

Parenthood is no easy task, and there is no reason to go at it alone. So, if you are feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, dump it off, grab a beverage and hop onboard Parenthood: The New Crazy Train -- where we are all permanent riders and new riders are welcomed daily. Follow me on Facebook at: Twitter @train_crazy *Photo credit Kristin Bauer*
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