Swimsuit season — it’s like setting yourself up for failure

Nearly 13 years ago, I was embarking on my honeymoon to St. Thomas.
I packed a couple sundresses and two bikinis.
The year was 2000.
A bikini has not been near my body in 13 years.
In fact, when I near a bikini on a clothing rack, I cringe. Yet I know when I travel to Myrtle Beach in June I will see many women wearing bikinis who should, well, who should not be wearing bikinis.
But, to each her own.
So, today, I went to Kohls in search of the “perfect mom of three body swimsuit.”
I tried on a two-piece. The top was great. The bottom … well, I looked like a stuffed cabbage. It wasn’t pretty.
Then I said, “Screw it, let’s try on this ‘slimming black one-piece’ by Chaps!”
BINGO!
It fit!
For good measure, I did try on one more — but it looked more like a moo-moo than anything else, so I tossed that one to the side and walked out with the $50 one in my hand.
Yes, I spent $50 on the swimsuit that FIT. Some of the OTHERS were $96 – I got a good deal. Plus, I had 30 percent OFF.
My husband saw the cost and said, “YOU BOUGHT A $50 SWIMSUIT?”
“Yes, yes I did because I have much more to cover up/hide NOW after I had YOUR children, thanks for THAT!” I thought to myself.
But it’s true!
I can no longer buy the swimsuits without breast cups – because well, I need all the help I can get in that department. And, I need the ones that guarantee to “slim” me because I could crunch my abs all day and all night, and I am sorry, those kids killed my ab muscles for life, therefore, I will never have a flat stomach – EVER. And, I need extra lining too because no one needs to see anything they should NOT be seeing. So yes, all of that cost $50 … which to me, was well worth it because I am well worth it too.
Oh, did I mention I also bought two pairs of shoes and four shirts?
Again, because I am worth it … and because everything else was on sale!
Hey, I did buy him a $5 tank top!

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