Wishing my ‘shoe size’ was my ‘pant size’

The year of being 35 has hit an all time low … and I don’t mean as in my weight.

It’s as if my body is saying, “OK, you are 35 now … let’s slow down your metabolism and deplete your patience too.”

Therefore, I now wish that my “pants size” was what my shoe size is … anywhere between a 6.5 and 7 – depending on the brand of shoes. Some days, it’s a smaller shoe. Other times, if I wear bulky socks, it’s a 7.

Maybe I need to change my brand of underwear? Maybe I am wearing “bulky panties” therefore; I have to wear a bigger size of pants?

I don’t know what the deal is lately, all I know is I am tired of the fluctuating poundage.

Yes, I work out. Yes, I eat veggies. Yes, I eat lean meats.

I also love French fries and nacho chips – those are my two big “SHOULD NOT EAT EVER” items.

But the scale does not seem to care.

So, unless I starve myself or sew my mouth shut after each meal, something has to change.

Is there a low-cal/low-fat wine on the market? I need to look into that. That is something I can change. Instead of drinking regular wine, I will switch to low-cal. That’s doable.

Is there a way for me to start hating sweets? Maybe I should look into hypnosis? Like, whenever I think I want a sweet, instead my brain will say, “NO, BAD IDEA. GO HOP ON YOUR DUST-LACED TREADMILL IN THE BASEMENT!”

Perhaps I should just buy an endless supply of Spankx? That way I get the look I desire, plus I won’t be able to eat as much in one sitting.

Would Spankx be considered bulky undergarments though?

What about a body cleanse? I have done some reading on those … but the only end result I have read is … eat more veggies and fruits, mainly cabbage, and then be sure you are near a bathroom for an entire week.

If I go the “cleansing route” I better make sure I have an endless supply of toilet paper in my house, which as of lately, has become somewhat of an issue.

Right now, sewing my mouth shut is looking more pleasing …





About Parenthood: The New Crazy Train

Parenthood is no easy task, and there is no reason to go at it alone. So, if you are feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, dump it off, grab a beverage and hop onboard Parenthood: The New Crazy Train -- where we are all permanent riders and new riders are welcomed daily. Follow me on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/ParenthoodthenewCrazyTrain Twitter @train_crazy *Photo credit Kristin Bauer*
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