Great Wolf Lodge – It’s all fun and games, until it isn’

All I wanted was a few hours of peace and relaxation. I thought Great Wolf Lodge would be the ideal place to find it.

I should have known better.

On the corporate website, the core mission of Great Wolf Lodge is “CREATING FAMILY TRADITIONS, ONE FAMILY AT A TIME.”

I am pretty sure the two families I saw fighting today didn’t get the memo detailing the “mission” statement.

There I was, minding my own business (yet, if you know me, that really isn’t true … I was honestly really just trying to get to the bathroom … but I love a good drama!) … when all of a sudden the following happens:

MEAN LADY: (Holding her OWN baby, whips around like a bat out of hell) “WILL YOU STOP WALKING IN FRONT OF ME! THIS IS THE SECOND TIME … (now MEAN LADY IS GLARING) YOUR CHILD HAS WALKED IN FRONT OF ME!”

The child in question – A 2-YEAR-OLD LITTLE GIRL WEARING A LIFE-JACKET.

GIRL’S MOM: (Holding two BABIES in her arms) “Do NOT yell at my child like that! She didn’t do it on purpose, and by the way, you pushed HER out of YOUR way on the SLIDE!”

MEAN LADY: “NO, I did not! She RAN in front of me!”

GIRL’S MOM: “NO, she did not! BITCH!”

And I thought that was it. End of poolside cat fight. Carry on folks, nothing to see here.

Nope.

MEAN LADY then pulls the other lady’s bun on top of her head, forcing her to hold tighter to the two babies in her arms all while trying not to lose her balance as the woman continues to yank on her hair!

MELISSA: “HEY! HEY! HEY! NO! NO!”

Little girl’s dad arrives to the scene, gets in the middle and then starts to try to break the women apart all the while MEAN LADY’S son begins to KICK “Little Girl’s” dad.

I ran to one lifeguard, who was a clueless 16-year-old boy.

He actually told me to tell “HER” over there – across the pool.

I then illegally walk on some platform to tell “HER” the problem.

She kinda blows her whistle to signal “911 in the WATERPARK.”

I walk away, because by now I really have to go to the bathroom.

I run into GIRL’S MOM who is now shaking and talking her husband. She is OK.

Finally, I get to the bathroom.

On my way out, I am confronted by yet another lifeguard who wants me to talk to the MAIN LIFEGUARD JUSTINE.

I briefly speak to MAIN LIFEGUARD JUSTINE and tell him what I saw.

Finally, Seth and I declare we have had TOO MUCH FUN and that yes, indeed we have created some family traditions this time around and it’s time to head back home.

P.S. I should probably also mention that at 10:30 p.m. we had a security officer knock on our hotel door. She informed Seth that “I know it’s not HIBERNATING HOURS YET, but the people in the room below you, in 209, well they go to bed at 10 p.m. and your family is too loud.”

Yes, we had enough family traditions made in the less than 24 hours we stayed at Great Wolf Lodge.

Seth and I spend our days/nights breaking up fights between our own children.

So, here’s a breakdown:

COST OF ROOM — $275

DINNER — $80

ARCADE — $60

Watching two grown women fight like cats and being told we are too loud, ABSOLUTELY FRICKIN’ PRICELESS!

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About Parenthood: The New Crazy Train

Parenthood is no easy task, and there is no reason to go at it alone. So, if you are feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, dump it off, grab a beverage and hop onboard Parenthood: The New Crazy Train -- where we are all permanent riders and new riders are welcomed daily. Follow me on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/ParenthoodthenewCrazyTrain Twitter @train_crazy *Photo credit Kristin Bauer*
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