Poor Thanksgiving and Starbucks. Who knew they would be treated like shit on the bottom of a shoe in the same month.
It’s as if neither one of them can do anything right this week.
First off, Thanksgiving doesn’t even exist anymore. It has become the red-headed stepchild of holidays.
If it weren’t for the New York Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, I wouldn’t even know it was a holiday because when I stroll through Wally World, all I see are ornaments, lights and notices about “Holiday Lay-A-Way.”
Tom Turkey is sitting by himself in the cooler – a place where no one is giving him any love. Sure, boxes of stuffing sit in a box on a nearby shelf, but he is not wrapped in red and green wrapping paper, waiting to be taken home. In fact, when he arrives home, his fate worsens because he knows he will soon end up on a platter.
At 12:01 Friday, Nov. 27, Christmas will be shoved down our throats … unless of course you are starting your Black Friday shopping by taking a pit-stop at Starbucks. Because there, you will not be wished a “Merry Christmas.” No, you will get a simple, “Happy Holidays!” from coffee-laced baristas. They have been banned from wishing anyone a Merry anything.
To make matters even worse, presidential hopeful candidate Donald Trump wants everyone to boycott Starbucks coffee baristas all over the United States.
According to him, “He will bring MERRY CHRISTMAS back to the United States if he is elected President.” I’m not really sure I even knew it left. But now, now I know that if he is our next president, we can freely wish everyone a Merry Christmas (which I already do … because we have this cool thing called FREEDOM OF SPEECH …)
Today, the internet exploded with Americans pissed off about a stupid red cup. A stupid red cup that Starbucks is using to deliver their $5 GRANDE decaffeinated-iced- fat-free caramel macchiato. Here’s a thought: Most people who go into Starbucks are near Zombie-status in the first place (over-worked, under-paid professionals or stay-at-home and sleep-deprived parents) and they only know what they are ordering and how to provide you with their name for the order. They are not paying any attention to whether or not your employees are wishing them a Merry Christmas. More importantly, most people wouldn’t care if you served their fancy-ass coffee in a white Styrofoam cup. It’s a fucking cup. Most people, most people … stopped caring what their cups looked like at the age of 3. So the cup is red and the employees can’t wish you a Merry Christmas … get over it. Or better yet, make your coffee at home and add a dash of Bailey’s … that shit makes everything MERRY!
About the author:
Melissa Linebrink is a reporter/bi-monthly columnist for “The Mommy Wars” printed in The Chronicle-Telegram. She has been featured as a blogger on the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop site, www.humorwriters.org and “Great Moments in Parenting.” She also writes, edits and manages her blog, https://parenthoodthenewcrazytrain.com/. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.