Dear Faithful “Parenthood: The New Crazy Train” Readers,
I apologize whole-heartedly for my near month-long absence from entertaining you all.
I am blaming it on my children for during the month of December they go from being normal to rambunctious within a matter of seconds.
They do not give a rat’s ass about “Elf on the Shelf” watching over them – regardless if we even have one of those damn things (which we don’t).
They do not give a rat’s ass that “Santa” is watching over them – they don’t care about the “Big Jolly Elf.”
Between holiday parties, family gatherings and wrapping presents (which about 80 percent are still under the tree since once they were unwrapped at warp speed, they were tossed into the “I don’t want this shit” pile) I feel like I have had about 10 minutes to myself.
And now, now we are in the smack-dab in the middle of Winter Break – minus any snow.
I have begged them to play with their unplayed-with-toys. They don’t care. My husband and I spent a lot of time picking out that stuff, only for them to toss it like a piece of trash. A flick of the wrist, and boom, it’s in the pile, along with the wrapping paper. It’s a sad state of affairs in our house.
I have never wanted it to snow so much in my entire life like I want it right NOW. I know, I know … what you all thinking … and I do too … I hate bundling them up with winter hats, coats, scarves and boots for them to slam open the door 15 minutes later declaring, “WE ARE DONE!”
But, without snow this year, they are stuck inside because it’s been raining cats and dogs in Ohio.
I hate Ohio weather. It’s muddy; and it’s ugly outside now too. It’s not even warm enough for hot chocolate.
Back to our Non-Winter-Winter-Break. It sucks. You know, as a parent, that winter break sucks when your kids WANT to go back to school. I want them back in school. I wonder if I could make the school district a trade: You take my kids the rest of this week (minus New Year’s Eve) and I will keep them the first snow day we have in Ohio. I promise …